My first blog. Sweet.
A little about me: I left my husband six months ago with my 2 1/2-year old daughter in tow. I moved back to my hometown and am now a single mom in an apartment with my child. What a stereotype. But we all need to begin again somewhere, don't we? Somehow being back in the town where I grew up does not bring me any comfort. Actually, it's very UNcomfortable. I run into people I know on a daily basis. I don't want to run into people I know right now. I miss the anonymity of a bigger city. I miss good shopping. I miss the 24-hour Dutch Bros. I miss amazing restaurant choices and reclining movie seats. I even miss the freeways.
My hometown. Population approx 50,000 apparently 45,000 of which I know personally in some way. *sigh* There is one bar I find respectable. It is filled with other women my age who feel the same. Men? In this town? No. I either know too much about them through someone else, went to highschool with them and think of them like a brother, or I've dated them. The rest of them are in rehab, unemployed, or fresh out of prison. I'm not kidding. But I stay in the adorable but surrounded by low-life neighbors apartment that my daughter and I occupy. I stay because my family is here, I stay because it's closer to my day job without the hour commute. During my soul-searching new start in life, where better to be than where my life started out in the first place?
I had a brief affair after moving back here that confirmed my suspicions about being single. I need time to myself. I need to get back to me, focus on my daughter and what I want for us, and I need to build a life that is NOT rooted in a man. My first love, W, came along when I was 14. When I was 15, that relationship ended and I hopped into a new one. I haven't been single since. Crazy. So I have vowed to stay single and enjoy the time to myself. Wasn't that one of the things I detested about being married? No time to myself. No time alone. Yes, I have my daughter but it's not the same. She's part of me, it's like having part of your heart manifest itself beside you ... it's still YOU. What I mean is that there isn't another grown-up talking in my ear, needing a hug, complaining or bitching about life, asking questions, watching ESPN or asking what's for dinner. There is silence. If I don't want to talk, I don't. If I want to listen to music, my daughter's always up for a little dancing. If I want to read, she's up for that too. We girls. Just us. Amen.
I will not be bashing my ex-husband in this blog. He is a good, honest man who loves his children. But he's not mine. May he find someone wonderful who fits into his world better than I could.
Divorce. Speaking of which, why won't he GIVE me one? We've lived apart for months, but he hasn't even got the papers. Hmm. No rush I realize, it's not like I'm ready to get married again. But I would like to go back to school and finish my degree in Physical Anthropology. And I'd like this all to be done. Not to mention, I'd like to rely on a designated amount of child support. Because right now .... he pays her medical insurance. Period. Not really helping me out much with daycare or groceries or new clothes that the non-stop growing toddler needs. I'd love to hear some insight as to why anyone would put off filing divorce papers? We've agreed it's over .... so what's the hold up?
